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Swim Coach from HELL is a short video produced by Brandon Rogers. It depicts the daily activities of a elementary school swim coach, Ball Brownstein.

Summary

The video depicts the life of swim coach Ball Brownstein, the sister of Helen Brownstein, who also works at the school. The events are as follows

  • Ball describes his job as a swim coach at "this goddamn fuckin' elementary school".
  • Ball asks two students to stop having intercourse in the pool.
  • He then berates another student, Marcie, for mourning her father, saying she should "get over it, & get on the high dive".
  • Ball explains that his sister, Helen Brownstein, wanted the job as a swim teacher, but was turned down because she was too rude to the children.
  • Ball threatens to gut a student "from armpit to asshole".
  • Ball shows the camera a laminated calendar chart on his wall. He says that whenever a student makes him angry, he writes it down on the calendar, so the next teacher knows what's coming for him. Various insults are written on the board, such as "Nancy was a cunt" and "Carol got FAT"
  • Ball explains he has several STD's, due to his mother having sex with a bartender while she was pregnant.
  • The camera cuts to a scene inside a shower room. Ball says that a new prank for students is "waffle-stomping", where the students take some feces and stomp them through a shower drain. He then comments that the showers drain directly to the pool, & that he has already had to clean three stomps this month.
  • Ball explains that he was given the task of doing this year's Halloween safety video, while clips of the video are shown.
  • Ball talks about his cat, Ball Juinor. He says says at one point, he noticed that one of the nipples on his (male) cat's chest is wet and believes it is lactating. He subseqently takes his cat to a veterinarian, where he is informed that the "nipple" is actually the cat's penis.
  • Ball goes into a bathroom stall, and comments on some graffiti on the wall (Call me 4 bliss cos i Fist 2 da wrist), saying that the students are only eight and already think they know poetry.
  • The swim coach then informs us that the children like playing pranks on him, including strapping him to the rescue equipment. Cut to a scene of Ball, strapped to a stretcher, falling off of a diving board.
  • Ball is seen shaking a plastic baby CPR dummy, while white fluid come out. He the asks how the students "got so much cum in the baby"
  • The final scene is Ball monologing on the unfairness of life, while removing his wig, neckbrace, and coat, revealing him to be none other than his sister, Helen Brownstein.

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